Abba,

My view is blurred

My eyesight obscured

I cannot see the fullness

I cannot see as I ought

The worst part?

I am often unaware of it

I am often blind to my poor sight

Unseeing, uncomprehending.

No.

That’s not true.

There is something worse still

Awareness

But with blatant rejection

A choosing of that which is less

A willful rejection of the greater, greatest.

Glory of eternal!

Glory of the TRUE majesty!

Diminished by me

Cast away for a lesser “glory”

I have seen, at least in part

My eyes have been opened

My mind granted understanding

My heart infused with a passion

And yet still

A knowing, willful

Purposeful, deliberate

Surrendering of the marvelous

In favor of the mundane.

How can I know?

How can I understand?

How can I see?

And yet choose wrongly?

Letting the shine of true glory grow cold

Darkened upon my heart

I choose to find beautiful

That which I only half see

That which is not clear

That which is now shadowed

By a diminished glory

The decay, rot, and death

Hidden

Unseen

Masked

Because the lesser is not seen

In the light of truth’s light

In the shine of THE only Glory that IS

And not seeing

Not willing to see

I settle for a lesser “glory”

Corrupted by death

Shaking my head

I Attempt to clear the fog

For it seems as though I view

The world without my

Corrective lenses

And call beautiful what is only partially seen.

Cradling my head in my hands

Sorrow welling deep in my heart

Frustration at my willful blindness

I stare at my feet and ponder

My problem.

The imminent presses out

The transcendent

The shine of a light near

Twinkles and shifts

Catches my gaze

Lures my interest to look upon it

My attention becomes distracted

True glory lost to sight

Not fully understood

Or purposefully ignorant

Seen in a haze and blur

I am drawn

Like a bug to light

The greater glory forgotten

The nearer, closer attracting me

The greater still ever present

But now out of mind and heart

The nearer pledges

Making an appealing plea

The lesser promising something

The greater does not

Immediate satisfaction

Lesser, yes, but now, not delayed.

The lesser appeals to self glory

It promises to make me center

King of my own realm

To make it all about me.

To boost my own value and worth

My appetite wet

I am hooked

This self glory is not offered by the true

For True restrains it

True glory does not promise self adulation

For glory, true glory

Can only be found in Him

Self glory is not promised

Because pursuit of self glory

Will end in my own hurt

And deprivation

False promises refused

Are really protections granted

Expressions of love shown

And Grace given.

A violent wave crashes upon my heart

Breaking cold upon my stupor

Shocking and wrenching me

Back to reality

Grace upon grace awaking my heart

My situation once more clear

Revealing the truth

Exposing the darkened heart

That led to my departure

Once more had I been attracted to lesser glory

The glory of self

The glory of me captured my gaze

Seeing only dimly

My view obscured

My eyesight blurred and unclear

The way became precarious

And yet, for a moment

The greater was forgotten

Rejected

Ignored

I deviated from the Way

Falsely believing the lie

That this shortcut will satisfy

The aching of my heart

Trusting self to grant

That which divine withholds

Trust self to be all

That it was never intended to be

The light of grace

Now dawning

And lighting upon my soul

The delusion becomes obvious

And I wonder, once again

How I permitted the deception

For a moment

Self glory shone brightly

In an instant, the trance is broken

The illusion is cracked

All that is left is the ichor of injury

That which once appealed so greatly

Now nauseates and sickens

That which once shown gloriously

Is once more seen as it is…bilious.

The lie is exposed

Self glory is no glory

It is a delusion

A lie

False promises

Elaborate lies

Fleshly appeal

Immediate gratification are its promises

Promises failed to deliver

False promises that rob and steal

The truth, glory, and delight

Of the ultimate and only Glory

I am a glory thief.

A violator of true beauty

Seeking for myself

What only YOU, Abba, deserve.

I am a glory thief

Seeking enjoyment

In a false glory

Glory which you promise freely in yourself

I am a glory thief

Robbing you of your rightful majesty

By seeking it in created things

Broken things

Sin has left me, has left us

Broken

Destitute

With wrong self glory longings

Your glory is vast enough

Your glory is deep enough

You glory is rich enough

To satisfy every soul who seeks it

No amount of self glory

Can ever compare

To that which you offer

To that which you ARE.

Yes, Abba, I/We have a glory problem

So easily we lose our way

Too often do we pursue

A glory not your own

A false glory that kills

Too often the blurred twinkle

Of false glories alter our course

And take us off the path

The true and narrow Way

That leads to true glory

Your jealousy for your glory

Is not selfishness or vanity

It is not narcissistic

It is selfless love

A desire to give the best to your creation

Your jealousy for your glory

Is the greatest good

The strongest protection

The sincerest kindness

You can spare to finite creatures

So, once more

Again,

I return my gaze

To Majesty on high

To a Bethlehem star

To a lowly manger

To a newborn king

To a Messiah become flesh

Once more,

Again

I return my gaze

To glory enthroned

To an innocent Savior

Falsely accused

Sinfully hated

Unjustly condemned

Mercilessly put to death

On a cursed tree

Mocked

Rejected

Shamed

Hated

Once more

Again

I return my gaze

To the Lamb who was slain

My hope, our hope

From eternity past

To eternity future

The center piece of worship

Death forever the greatest display

Of Glory and beauty

Beckoning my worship

Inviting my satisfaction

Embracing my approach

And to think….

I thought I could do better.

As I pondered our “glory problem,” this was the result. In this life, as Paul Tripp calls it “between the already and not yet,” we struggle with the pull to self glory, to the control of being rulers over our own little kingdom. 

Despite knowing better, we often get lulled into the trap of pursing self glory through fame, recognition, achievement, pleasure, comfort, fleshly satisfaction. 

It is a heinous trap. We have the greatest glory, the most satisfying pleasures ever before us in the person of a living God who made us and gave Himself for us. 

And yet the false promises of lesser glories constantly encroach and distract, dragging us away, often willingly, to lesser delights and pleasures; to false lies and manipulations of the adversary.

It is my prayer for us, the church of God, the body of Christ, in the new year to find our sole satisfaction in the Glory of who God is and to find it there alone. 

May this meditation challenge, encourage, and bless you as you enter this new year.

And may the following song move your heart to worship in the Glory of our great God!