Galatians 5:25

25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

I can’t help  but feel small again

Tiny

Helpless

The hand extended toward me

The very sight of it

Invokes this

It is a mighty hand

Calloused

Rough

A carpenters hand

I can see the worn skin

The scars of splinters

The toughness of labor

A man’s hand

A strong man’s hand

A confident, steady hand

The sight of is both calming

And intimidating 

Joy and delight at the invitation

Inadequacy and smallness too

Yes

Helpless

Tiny

I can’t help but feel small again

It remains extended

Patient

Never demanding

But open and waiting

I want to grasp it

To feel the roughness of his flesh

Against my own

I know there will be comfort in it

Security

Strength

But I fear it too

I hesitate 

I feel unworthy

Lacking

This hand

And the one behind it

Too great and too good for me

And yet at the same time

That very truth

Drawing me

I am conflicted

I look on

Desiring, yet fearful

Wanting, yet hesitant

It is the center scar

The one in the middle

In the palm

Exuding strength and goodness

It keeps my eyes, always

Of all the scars

All the roughness

None can match

Or exceed

That one

It is the pinnacle of strength

The deepest expression of love

The surest sign of justice

The reason I never fear wrath

It is why I hesitate 

Why I feel small

Unworthy

He received it for me

I am the reason he bears it

The greatest of all his scars

It is the most attractive

Thing about his hand

About his HANDS

They are beautiful hands

Masculine hands

Just the sight of them

Producing this desire

To hold them

To be held by them

To be held as a small child

Held by the strength of a father

I feel small

But next to Him

This feels like a good thing

In my foolishness

I think I know what it means

To be a man

To be strong

To be complete

These hands of his

Tell me otherwise

They are true might

True masculinity

True wholeness

True perfection

Next to him, its ok to be small

Needy

Dependent

In fact, I long for it

And now those hands

They beckon me

To come

To walk

To keep in step with Him

To keep in step with the Spirit

To keep in step with Jesus

My Savior

My King

My Abba, Daddy

My God

Why do I hesitate?

Why do I fear?

His open hand produces

The opposite of fear

These rough, scarred hands

Exude strength and love

Acceptance and security

Identity and belonging

So why do I wait?

Why do I hesitate?

Because there is a cost

I decide

Like him

I must take something up

I must take up my cross

I must die to myself

And embrace His ways

I look at his hands

Would that be so bad?

I suddenly see in each callous

Each scar

Especially in the center one

But even more now

In them all

Each one possesses

A depth of love

Mercy, grace

Holiness, goodness

Justice, righteousness

I see in each one

A wealth of being

A richness of person

A display of character

And an invitation to grow

Into the same

Tentatively I reach out

The hand steady

Waiting

My fingers touch his

Fingertip to fingertip

The touch of his hand

Causes me to catch my breath

Surprising me

I pull back, embarrassed

His fingers catch mine

Steadying them

Halting them

Urging me to remain

The roughness of his skin

The strength I sense

Sending shivers through me

Yes, this is a hand I can trust

This is a hand I can embrace

This is a hand I can follow

This is a hand that will lead me right

Like a small child

Needy and dependent

Endeared to his daddy

Aching to be close

I close the distance now

I feel his hand tighten around mine

Palm to palm

His fingers curling around mine

Every scar

Every callous

Every roughness

As tender

As fresh new skin

Blessed contentment!

Deepest satisfaction!

Welling up in my childlike heart

Joy at being held

By my Abba’s hand!

Rough but tender

Calloused but gentle

Strong and firm

But warm and loving

I feel him pull me close

His strength and presence palpable 

Strength and joy surging into me

Then side by side

Hand in hand

We turn

The invitation accepted

Now we walk

Hand in hand

Step by step

This new life calls to me

HE calls to me

I surrender to it

I yield

I desire to be led

That I may now and always

Keep in step with you

Spirit

Jesus

Abba

Lead on

O Great God!

I keep in step

With you

My Abba

My Daddy

I follow