After a couple of hours, the awe and wonder of being in the presence of the king, in the king’s court wore off. I had been observing silently at the captain’s side as the King entertained disputes and disagreements between nobles and peasants alike. Disagreements ranging from disputes over broken fences caused by a neighbor’s out of control animals, to stolen property, to adultery, murder, or political espionage. For a while, I watched and listened with rapt interest thinking that there must be some specific reason why the captain wanted me to be here to see it. After a while, I began to realize that there was no real connection between the individual cases and my theories of some grant plot being exposed and eliminated were reduced to ashes. I realized this was just the king opening his doors to hear disputes from the people and to offer judgement between them. After a while, the complaints and disagreements began to grate on my nerves. They began to sound like whiny, petulant children. I began to wonder why on earth the king would waste his precious time hearing such cases when he had so many other priorities that stood before him. I have never had much appreciation or patience for complaining, pettiness, and silly disputes. I never understood how men could get so hung up on trivial things or why they could not seem to act like men and work out their disagreements in mature and adult like ways. So often I had the mental image of children squabbling in irrational and inconsolable ways over the cheap toy that no one is going to care about in 2 years. Perhaps this is another reason why I loved the farm life so much. It kept me out of the town and away from heavy populous of people. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people, but I lacked patience for the constant and petty squabbles that seem to spring up in abundance when many people gather in one place. I liked and preferred my isolation. I enjoyed my interactions with people…. once a week….and limited. Therefore, the afternoon of being forced to observe the one thing I detested the most in life was exhausting in a way that my morning training could never compete with.

After what seemed like an eternity, the king ended the procession of complaints and disputes and I breathed a heavy, but silent, sigh of relief. I was incredibly relieved to have this experience over with. But it would not do well to make that relief public knowledge, so my sigh was controlled and more internal than external. For the life of me, I could not figure out why I had been made to endure such torture and agony.

Desperately, I wanted to ask. But my training as a boy to obey without question and to exercise patience for the right timing to ask, stayed my tongue. I had seen how the captain had responded with approval to my patience and refusals to pester him with questions and sensed that badgering him with questions would not sit well. I decided it could wait until I was more established and settled before inquiring about the purpose of this exercise. I filed it away in the back of my mind as one of the many questions to ask when I discerned the time was ready for me to open that door.

The room began to empty as the king’s subjects, the dignitaries, and nobles began to file out, their audience with the king at an end. I anticipated our departure as well and was surprised when the captain made no move to exit after the last of the company of people had departed. He remained standing next to me, at the end edge of the room; an unspoken, but clear message, we are not done here yet. Having begun to mentally check out, anticipating our departure, I had to refortify my mind and reorient my expectations, directing my attention back to the room once more.

Moments after the last person departed, the doors once more opened and the king’s generals, advisors, and emissaries entered. What began next was another several hours of reports from around the kingdom. The state and condition of the armies, defenses, and border skirmishes throughout the land. Reports on political dealings, negotiations, land disputes with neighboring kingdoms, trade dealings, unrest amongst the people of the king’s own kingdom. Of particular interest to the king, and to myself, was the report that indicated a growing unrest among one regiment of soldiers near the southern border. It was a quiet placement. The kingdom to the south was a strong ally. The king there was a great friend and the two kingdoms had long been bonded in friendship. The regiment of soldier’s was only present there to help serve as border patrol between the two kingdoms as there was often trouble with smugglers and vagabonds sneaking contraband and illegal goods back and forth across the border. They also helped to serve the local area as police keeping forces to solve disputes that arose among the king’s own subjects.

The report indicated that a militia had been attacking and aggravating the regiment there for some weeks. The attacks were getting more and more fierce. The best intel that they had received indicated that this group originated across the southern border but contained combatants from both the king’s own kingdom as well as the kingdom across the southern border. This group apparently banded together and decided they wished to succeed from their respective kingdoms and declared their independence. They were growing in number and were attacking, not only our southern regiment but also the southern kingdom’s lands. The emissary revealed that skirmishes were being contained with minimal losses to the king’s army, but it was a growing threat.

Most troubling of all, a small detachment of soldiers appeared to be embracing the ideology of the subversives. None had defected yet, but there was growing rumblings amongst the soldiers that perhaps the way of the defectors was a worthy cause. Independence, freedom from authoritarian oversight was an enticing temptation. To be lord and master of your life was alluring enough to tempt anyone. The lie that independence is the greatest form of freedom has lured many men away from the safety and true freedom of submission to wise and loving rule. Truth is, none are able to self-govern without disaster. Submission to wise and faithful authority is actually the most freeing position in the world to be in. We can cease attempting to be that which we are not and can instead be free to be what we were intended to be and do. There is joy and peace in submission to authority and leadership. My father taught me these principles well. Yet, more than once through my life, I had attempted to throw off that leadership and authority and assert my own independence. It always ended in disaster. I now understood the safety and freedom that exists when we willingly surrender to the necessity of authority and leadership in our lives.

The news that some of the king’s own men were considering defecting was troubling tidings indeed. It posed the danger of growing into an all-out revolt if not handled with care and urgency.

The king was decisive in his response. Responding to the military threat, he immediately called in his chief emissary. The man was this king’s wisest military general. He dispatched him with orders to go and assist the southern regiment. His instructions were two-fold. He was to provide aid and council with battle strategy and tactics to not only hold back the militia that was attacking, but to root the out and remove them as a danger to both kingdoms. In addition, he was to address the growing concern of defection within the ranks of the king’s soldiers. Dictating his orders, they were recorded and sealed with his official seal for the commanding officers at the southern regiment and the emissary was dispatched to make the weeklong journey.

Long after the king had moved on to other issues of kingdom business, I could see the weight of this burden upon his shoulders. Many might have seen this as a man concerned about losing his power or control. In fact, many a king might make that his main concern. Power, position, control were often the primary focus of many a man in such positions. Their main focus becomes maintaining their control at all costs and little thought is given to the people whom they are responsible to serve. And yet, watching the king now, I sensed something different. I could not place my finger on it, but I sensed another reason for the king’s unrest.

After a time, the discourse concluded and the king dismissed the room, adjourning himself to his own private chambers. The captain motioned for me to follow, and we made our exit with the rest. I followed him silently as he led me back to the dining area. We grabbed our food and ate in silence. Finishing his food before me, the captain stood. “Same time tomorrow,” he said. Then turned and left me sitting there, food half chewed in my mouth as I gawked at him. That was it? No explanation for why I wasted my afternoon listening the disputes of people, the completely irrelevant reports of the land that did not pertain to or affect me in any way! Nothing? I had been patient, expecting him to give me something, to instruct, to tell me the point, to somehow connect what I had just endure to my training as the king’s banner bearer. But nothing?

I finished chewing my food and pushed the rest of my plate away, no longer hunger. Just irritated and weary. Suddenly, the toll of the day’s events felt heavy upon my shoulders. The physical strain of the morning, the emotional strain of the afternoon, and the unknown, unanswered questions of the day suddenly seem to sap away any joy, any hope, any strength I had left. Not only was I physically weary, but I was also tired, discouraged, and even more longing for home.

Why, father? Why? Why did you send me here? Why did you disrupt my comfortable life and take me away from what I was not only good at, but what I enjoyed doing? Why did you send me away?

Still wrestling with those questions, I return to the barracks, disrobed from my uniform, hung it neatly back the way I had found it, and threw myself into my bunk in only my undergarments, too tired to even think about anything else or to even redress.