I awoke the next morning weary. Not a good sign for day two. And yet, there was an unexpected energy coursing through me as I prepared to embrace the tasks for the day. I rose with plenty of time to dress in my training gear and get to the field well before the captain. On the way, I stopped to grab a supply of water and food that I could eat throughout the morning to keep my energy and strength up. I learned from the previous days experience that having a full morning meal would not end well. The intensity of the physical exertion to follow would only result in enjoying my breakfast twice; the second time being far less enjoyable. However, I also knew that without the energy and strength from the food, I would not be able to endure the morning. So, instead, I grabbed a variety of nuts, fruits, and dried meats that I could keep on hand and nibble on throughout the small breaks I would get in the morning. This way, my body got what it needed, but I did not end up tasting my food twice. Having stocked myself with what I believed I needed and not an ounce more, for I hated waste, I continued to the field still arriving well before the captain.

While I waited, I began stretching and warming up, all the while thinking. My perception of a king’s banner bearer was not playing out as I had anticipated. For one, I never imagined that I would be trained as a warrior the same as every other soldier. I am not sure I knew what to expect, but I certainly had not anticipated the focused and intensity of physical and combat training that I was receiving. Further, I was still greatly confused about the afternoon/evening of observation in the king’s court I had been subjected to. I still was not sure what my presence there offered to the king, myself, or anyone else for that matter. I believe I had wrongly assumed my role was nothing more than riding by the king’s side with his flag as he rode into battle or as he traveled to other kingdoms on political business. I believed I had built up an image of a role that was nothing more than toting a piece of fabric around day in and day out. And my brothers certainly did not help with this perception. I was beginning to realize that it was far more complex than I had imagined. I just didn’t know how to piece all the parts together into one collective whole yet.

As the sun was peeking over the horizon, the captain arrived and, without delay, we launched into training. The day went the same as the previous one. The morning packed with physical training, weapons training and instruction, and military tactics training. This was followed by a visit to the soldier’s bath house, donning the uniform, and an afternoon of observing in the king’s court. However, today was only with the kings’ advisors, emissaries, and strategists. It was the day-to-day functioning of a kingdom. Taxes, politics, military dealings, and every other day to day needs. In truth, I was bored and checked out in the first hour.

In fact, every day for the first several weeks was the same. Only once per week did the king entertain his subjects to deal with disputes, but every day was filled with the dealings of kingdom life. And it was mundane. Despite my growing knowledge from day-to-day training, my depth of understanding the intricacies and complexities of running a kingdom were pathetic and I found myself quickly lost, or bored. To my chagrin, unlike the previous day, the captain quizzed me at the end about what had transpired. I failed miserably. I suspected he knew that. I now realized that the entire time, the captain had been observing me and discerned I was checked out. He rebuked me and made it clear that after each afternoon, he would quiz me on the proceedings. I groaned inwardly and slunk off, despondent.

The captain never did explain why so much of my day and training was spent observing these proceedings. My confusion was further complicated by the fact that I had grown very curious as to why I was even permitted to be privy to many of the proceedings. I was privy to high level security and political details that few others were. The more I observed, the more sensitive information I was exposed to, the deeper my confusion became. Why would I be permitted access to this information? Still, I was too afraid to ask.

Day after day this was my routine. Each day, my physical strength grew. The lingering fat and chub that I had carried with me from my farm life was rapidly disappearing, being replaced with lean muscle. Not that I was obese before, but the physical training had so leaned up my form that the captain had to issue new clothes all around. My skill with the king’s arsenal was improving, particularly my bow work. The captain not only showed his approval but began to vocalize it as well. As we trained and worked, I grew more comfortable asking my questions. The captain accepted those questions and answered freely. He taught and instructed me in the ways of the king’s court, military strategy, politics, economics, and other areas that he deemed necessary. I was not sure how each of them was necessary to my role as a king’s banner bearer, but I accepted the knowledge and day by day my knowledge grew.

However, the one question I still refused to ask, because it sounded petulant, was why I was forced each day to observe the meetings and interactions with various officials, especially the weekly entertaining of disputes and complaints. I paid closer attention and got better each time with passing the captains quizzes, but I still did not understand. Questioning it, though, felt like a complaint. The captain did not tolerate complaints and I was not interested in getting a week of muck duty for complaining.

Weeks of this, however, wore down my resolve. Petulant or not, the exhaustion and irritation of enduring this finally broke me. I was pacing one morning when the captain arrived at the field and before my courage failed me, or maybe it was sheer stupidity, I accosted the captain.

“Why?” I did not exactly shout but I was not quiet either. I knew my tone was borderline insubordinate and treading on dangerous ground. I sought to control my anger and frustration at weeks of enduring a routine that I did not see how it contributed to my training as the king’s banner bearer. “Why am I forced day in and day out to attend the kings court, meetings, and councils? I do not see how it has anything to do with my role of bearing the king’s banner! It is exhausting, draining, and tedious.” I finished my stream of words with a huff and stood waiting with a look of consternation that I knew would likely land me in hot water, but I no longer cared. A week of muck or latrine duty seem worth it to get this off my chest and get the answer to my question.

The smile that broke on his face was both surprising and infuriating. Surprising in that I expected a strong rebuke for my tone. Mirth was the last thing I had expected. And for the same reason, it was infuriating! Was this some joke to him? Was this his way of breaking me down or harassing me just for spite or fun?

The smile broke even harder until he was chuckling. The look of exasperation on my face suddenly sobered him a bit but he still smiled as he said, “I wondered how long before you would break.” His smile broke into chuckling again. “I have been expecting this question for weeks. Your strength and resolve not to break before now has impressed me, honestly.”

Sobering, he said, “Let’s take a break from the morning routine. Take a walk with me. He turned and I followed as he wound back out of the training field and into the streets of the city. I followed as he walked through the city as it began to awake and commence the days commerce.

“Valiant, I commend your restraint and perseverance in the face of your confusion and uncertainty. It is a trait that your predecessors did not possess. The king and I realized after a long line of failed banner bearer’s that something was missing. The former banner bearers, as you know, do not have a good reputation. They were rich, spoiled sons of dignitaries who were given the position through political pandering. In fact, the king’s decision to depart from the normal means of acquiring banner bearers and choose you, a simple farmer, has been met with a high level of resistance and disapproval. Problem is, these former banner bearers failed to understand, or care, about a key responsibility and job of the king’s banner bearer. They sought the position believing it would give them influence, power, control to improve their lives or the lives of their families. This was the reason that they were never trained in combat, given weapons, or trained as you are being now. It was distasteful to them. They became banner bearers precisely to avoid the dirty life of combat. You are the first, Valiant, of a new breed of banner bearer. At least we hope.”

The captains voice bore tones of sorrow, not anger, as if he actually felt sorry for them like they were missing out because of their failure to understand. His tone actually caught me by surprise and kept my attention riveted.

He stopped, turned, and in the middle of the street, looked at me intently. “Valiant, you need to understand something. The job of the king’s banner bearer has nothing to do with a piece of fabric you bear before him on journeys or military engagements. The job of the banner bearer is to represent the king. His banner, which you will bear for him, is simply a symbol and representation of the king, of his coming. The fabric is simply to draw people to look, see, respond, take up arms, come to the king.”

He paused, never breaking the intensity of his stare. Reaching out he gripped my shoulders. His grip was firm and fierce. Intense. “YOU, Valiant…You bear his name, his reputation, his agenda. You represent him in every way, every bit as much as his emissaries, commanders, and generals. YOU, Valiant are his banner.”

Dawning began to break on my mind. Full comprehension washed over me with tidal wave like force. In a breath-taking rasp, I gasped, “How can I do that if I do not know the person of the king! That’s why you have me observing so much! It is not about the people, their disputes, complaints, the politics as much as it is about the king!”

The captain smiled, pleased that I understood.

I couldn’t stop the flow of words now. “I have been looking at this all wrong. My focus has been on the complaints and disputes, on the tediousness of what it takes to run a kingdom, on the confusion and intricate political challenges….and because of that…I have gotten more and more frustrated and disillusioned. My focus was always supposed to be on THE KING. I am there to see him, to get to know him, to understand him so that I can better bear his banner and represent him.”

The captain’s smile broke larger now. He lowered his arms, and finally averted his gaze which had never wavered. Stepping back, he praised, “Your father said you were a rare gem and would see the larger picture soon enough.”

His words shook me in a way I had not expected. Stammering in reply, “My father? You spoke to my father?”

“Of course. How do you think we found you on a farm at the far edges of the kingdom about as remote as you can get?” He chuckled. “It was your father’s idea to give the role to someone who did not feel entitled to it due to wealth or status.”

As my look of confusion deepened, the captain laughed and explained. “Your father is an old friend, my former compatriot and brother in arms. We served together for many years. He is a wise and trusted friend. From time to time, like recently when we needed a new banner bearer, I reached out to your father for counsel and aid. He gave me more than I had anticipated this time. You have already exceeded expectations and made an impression. Make no mistake, everyone notices.”

His words sobered me, and I fell into silence, pondering his words. They found a cherished place in my heart, and I would find myself mulling them over frequently during the next several hours.

The captain turned and continued his pre-determined path in silence now. I followed equally silent as I continued to contemplate his words. Lines and dots were connecting that I had previously missed. A deeper comprehension of events was building in my mind. A strange peace was settling over me and I found myself content to walk in silence.

After several minutes, we found ourselves on a cliff overlooking a cemetery. We were on the outskirts of the city away from the busy streets of vendors and merchants. Not even homes or stables were present here. I stood next to the captain, silent and observant. It was quiet and still here. As we looked down, I made out a single figure walking in the midst of the graves. The stillness and the quiet of this place gave it a sacred feel. We watched for several minutes as the figure walked up and down each row, sometimes cutting between grave markers. He, for it was a male, would allow his hand to fall upon markers as he passed, running his hand along them in solemn and gentle care. Occasionally, he would stop and kneel by a grave, bowing his head as if praying or weeping. From this distance, I could not tell which.

After several moments of silent observation, the captain spoke in hushed tones. “The king walks here every morning without fail. These are the graves of his fallen soldiers. He is often advised to cease his daily stroll to satisfy the other demands upon him, but he refuses. He says he refuses to forget the cost men willingly pay to serve him, to protect, to care for the people of this great land. I have seen and interacted with many kings. Not many have cared this deeply about their people. He and his father are identical in this regard.” With that he fell into silence once more.

A new respect was awakened in my soul for this man. A man, I realized, I had failed in my task to really know since my coming. I reflected upon my first day. The king came to me. He initiated the first interaction. I remembered his tender interactions with the other soldiers. I vividly pictured Damian’s face and recalled the deep respect and admiration he had for this man; enough to back down from breaking me like a twig before I had even begun. And a new, bigger, deeper picture of this man who was my king was beginning to form in my mind.

The captain spoke again. “Take the rest of the day off. You have done well. Enjoy the break.”

In that moment, I knew what I wanted and what I must do I. “If it is all the same to you, sir, I would like to stick to my morning training as well as observe in the court this afternoon as usual.”

The captain glanced over at me and paused for a moment. A look of admiration and respect filled his features, and he simply dipped his head in acknowledgement. We then turned and headed back to prepare for the rest of our day.