I ended up at my parents grave yesterday. On a whim. It was not planned. Driving by on my way home, I swung in. At the time, I could not explain why I wanted to be there, in that moment. They were not there, in that plot of grass, in the open field that is the Hephzibah graveyard. It is only their physical remains. And yet, I am physical. Looking back now, a day later, I realize that I am missing their touch, their presence. As crazy as it is, the physicality of their bodily remains being there, and my being where those remains are, makes me feel closer to them.

I realize this is not new. This is why so many find comfort in visiting the graves of loved ones who have died and gone before them. But it is new to me. And I had never pictured myself as one who would want to visit the grave of my loved ones. Not because they would not be/were not missed, but rather because truth tells me they are not there.

And yet, I am human. I am physical. I was made for connection and intimacy. A reality now absent with my parents. A reality that I had grown used to and delighted in these past two years. So, it was hard. I both longed to be there at the grave, and yet I struggled to get out of the car and walk over. The longing to be near them mixing with the stark reminder, that they are not there and I cannot touch them.

I know truth. Why is this so hard?

Because death is not natural. It is the sign of brokenness and is the mark of the curse. And it creates in us a longing for eternity and redemption.

Romans 8:22–23 (ESV): 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

This death, this grieving, this suffering has a purpose; to create longing for that which is to come. It presses us into God and sets our sights upon Him. It keeps us from getting too comfortable in a land which we are sojourning in. We are passing through. This is not our home. Death is a reminder of this.

We can and we do hope in this…death’s time is limited. Death’s power is limited. Death’s duration is limited. The God of all things has already overcome it. So, we set our sights and our hope to Him and for the joy set before us, persist.

Abba, give us strength to walk in this tension of imminent loss and eternal glory.

You are worth the struggle to find and live within that tension.

Our hope is in you.