It has been a rough week emotionally for me. Not sure why, but nevertheless…

‌Just last night, a picture on digital frame, got the tears to flowing. Laying in bed later, trying to sleep, I got to reflecting back to the beginning of this journey with my mother. I remember sitting on her bed with her, holding her as she cried; as I cried with her. At that time, she was still pretty much in full cognitive awareness. She knew she was forgetting things. She was struggling with accepting the dementia.

‌The pain I felt in my heart at that moment and that I have even now thinking back to that moment is still palpable and real.

‌The question entered my mind….God, did you weep with her, with us in that moment?

‌Grabbing my journal, I prayed this….

Abba,

Did you weep

When my mother suffered?

Did your heart break

When she was diagnosed?

Did you cry

At her sorrow, pain, and suffering?

When I sat on her bed

Crying with her

Did you weep with us?

Of course you did

Though the trial

Be necessary

Though the trial

Produce good

It is not good

Or easy

Or right

Though the trial

Produces eternal dividends

It is not natural

Or in compliance with you

Of course you wept

Of course you weep

Of course your heart breaks

When you permit

Or even send suffering

Your perfect and beautiful creation

Suffers

But

Because you are good

You permit it

You send it

You don’t stop it

You redeem it

You make it useful

My heart still hurts

When I consider this suffering

And not just my own

Or my parents

But I rest on

And Take comfort

In your sorrow

For it assures us of your care

And points forward

To your promise

Of the removal of sorrow

And tears

Yes, you weep

We weep

But it is temporary

One day

All sorrow will rest

In eternal joy

Until then

We hope