Psalm 63:3

The poem that follows requires some context.  While not strictly necessary in order to read, understand, or appreciate the poem in its own right, context will enhance the appreciation of the poem.  At least, that is my prayer. 

This meditation comes as a result of the final day of “Joy the World”—A Christmas devotional by Charles Spurgeon.  In it, Spurgeon shared how God had softened and changed his heart, giving him one that was inclined toward God.  Spurgeon noted that only an act of God could have done so.  He noted, with deep reverence and humility, that his affections towards God were the result of the grace of God in his own life.

As I set my heart to meditate on this final devotional, on Christmas morning itself, I set my intentions on writing my own testimony and meditation.  As so often happens when I write, when I spend time with God, what began simply ended up blooming into something more than I anticipated.  The Spirit surprised me with where He would lead me.  

In the days cushioning my Christmas reflections and meditations, I discovered, and was discovering, the simple joys of fragrances.  For most of my life, I was a one scent guy and the depth and intricacies of cologne was lost on me.  Throughout the month of December and into January, I was finding a quiet and simple joy in the layered effects of a well designed fragrance.  This may be hard to explain, perhaps, unless you just know. But I was unaware of the ability for a fragrance to change scent as it settles, to possess a warmth in itself, or to even have the varied nuances that it does.   As I set about learning and discovering, I found something out.  There is a sense of calm, of order, of delight in what a good fragrance can do.  Suffice it to say that God was giving me a grace in the enjoyment of them. Certain scents quickly became my favorites as their unique dynamic ended up providing a sense of relief from the stresses of life.  They offered a sort of—respite—when the depth of their design took full effect.  Even as I write this, in the early hours of the morning, the life of my current day’s selection serenades me.  Truly, I have been graced to discover one of life’s simple enjoyments.  A simple, but unmistakable grace.  It never ceases to amaze me what God uses to show His favor and mercy in my life.  Truly, unless you know, you may think me crazy and overstating the case.  But the various fragrances I have discovered, and am daily enjoying, have become more profoundly beneficial than I could have ever imagined.  

As I was reflecting upon this though, the Spirit also provided a warning, a guardrail—if you will, to protect me.  He reminded me that while I can and should enjoy the scent and the relief that it gives, I should be careful not to confuse the relief with the refuge. 

Not original to me, but a quote that was shared with me that I immediately wrote down is this: 

“Relief is a grace.
Refuge is a person.”

The enjoyment of the fragrances I was wearing, was giving me a sense of relief at times from the stresses of life.  When I would get a fresh whiff of them, I would sit back and just relax into the moment.  I could take a breath and step away from whatever challenge I happened to be facing in that moment.  I know.  It sounds absurd.  And yet…

That word of caution, however, struck me hard.  “Relief is a grace.  Refuge is a person.”  How prone was I to confusing the two?  Unfortunately, I was forced to admit, all too often.  The distinction between the relief and the refuge is huge.  Instead of seeing the relief as the grace it is, I tend to see the relief as the refuge itself. The Spirit quietly reminded me that the relief is intended to push me towards the true, and the only, refuge.  

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
and with my song I give thanks to him.  (Psalm 28:7, ESV)

The truth is, I needed to be reminded to be careful.  The kind acts of God were never meant to be the terminus.  The kindness of God was always meant to be followed back to God, Himself.  The fine line, the danger zone is when we value the kindness of God, the acts of God MORE than God—when we love the gift more than the giver.  

And I was unknowingly falling into that trench.

What I had discovered in the simple grace of fragrances was meant to be a conduit back to my God, who is my refuge—now and always.  

But God was not done yet.  What I had limited to the context of fragrances, because it was fresh, pertinent, relevant at that moment, God burgeoned into so much more.

Truth is, I often use my writing as a refuge.  But, honestly, that too is nothing more than a relief.  Writing is a relief for me.  It is devotional.  It is my intimate time with my Creator.  Through words, through writing, I can be open, vulnerable, expressive in ways that verbally I struggle to.  In writing, I connect with the Spirit, with Abba, with Jesus.  My journals are precious to me because they represent that connection.  

Problem is, sometimes, unintentionally, and unbeknownst even to myself, I had turned that relief into my refuge.  At times, the Spirit warned, I loved the act of writing more than the God who the writing led me to.  

And yet, God was still not done.  He pressed on.  My desire for community, friendship, relational depth with others was yet another danger zone that God exposed.  Community, brotherhood, marriage, family, friendship…they are reliefs.  We were created for community with each other.  Yes!  Absolutely! But that community with each other is meant to be a grace, a relief to lead us to community with God!  It is grace upon grace that God gives to us in order that we might see and savor Him; that we might see and delight in Him.  But these graces were never meant to  be terminuses.  They are the conduit to the true, the only, refuge of our souls—God.  

The Spirit would not relent.  In grace and love, He kept pressing.  He ripped open my tendency, throughout the years, to confuse the relief with the refuge.  I had, unknowingly, placed too much emphasis on the community, on the relationship AS THE REFUGE instead of the relief.  I had abused what God intended for good.  I had put more emphasis on the gift rather than the Giver. Even the desire for community and healthy relationships—biblical and sound desires—had morphed into something it should not be.  In my heart, I looked to the relief expecting it to be a refuge for me.  

“This is true,” the Spirit prodded, arm around my shoulder, “with your writing, with the fragrances, with rest, with community, with __________”

“Fill in the blank,” He said.  “Whenever you find a relief, whenever you find a grace that I give that provides relief, you make it a false refuge.  And it’s hurting you.  Stop, my son.”

The silence that followed those words felt heavy to me.  Still does.  And the truth of the words, sting.  Yet, I am grateful for them.  It is humbling to have pointed out to you that you abuse the grace given—grace meant to lead you to the refuge.  Oh, how prone I am to misuse what God intends for good!

So, God, in His grace, exposed me.  Grace, when it comes—is meant to lead me to the refuge.  But the graces are not the refuge.  Truly, what began as a simple meditation had burgeoned into so much more!

Spirit, I am humbled by Your love and care.  I am silenced by Your admonishment.  Now, I petition Your grace to guard my heart.  Let my heart delight in the grace of reliefs that You sent.  But, let me never make them my refuge.  May You and You alone, ever and always be where I run to find refuge.  

———————————————————————————

The Absolute Utter

This testimony is true—
All that matters in life is You.

Abba, You alone are all that I need.
You alone are the truest delight indeed.

It matters not my condition or state—
everything—Your greatness—does predicate.

It matters not my circumstance
Or abundance’s proliferate expanse.

Your steadfast love is better than life.
Your pleasures are abundantly rife.

Your worth is greater than all.
Your beauty burnishes bright and tall.

There is nothing more precious;
nothing more consistently tenacious;

than Your all satisfying being;
than Your rich love—all seeing.

Your presence and person slice the clutter
like a hot knife through warm butter.

You satisfy to the absolute utter
Like no one—like no other.

This testimony is true—
All that matters in life is You!